Domestic abuse always has an impact on children. It undermines a child’s basic need for safety and security. It can have a serious effect on their behaviour, brain development, education outcomes and overall wellbeing (NSPCC 2023).
In order to fully acknowledge children as victims/survivors of domestic abuse in their own right and shift away from viewing them as ‘passive witnesses’ it is vital to understand the multiple pathways to harm and the impact of that harm on the child. Whilst also recognising the choice by the person causing harm to use abusive and controlling behaviour as the source of this harm.
It is important in assessments, case notes etc… that the person causing harm’s abusive and controlling behaviour is clearly documented as well as how this has impacted the child(ren) and survivor.
The below diagram outlines five pathways to harm for children living with domestic abuse.
1.
Children experience direct physical harm, sexual harm and coercive control from the parent causing harm in the context of domestic abuse.
2.
Seeing, hearing or witnessing the effects of abuse from the parent causing harm to the non-abusive parent causes emotional harm to the child.
3.
The parent causing harm’s abusive behaviour damages the relationship between the non-abusive parent and the child.
4.
The parent causing harm’s abusive behaviour limits the non-abusive parent’s ability to parent the child.
5.
The parent causing harm’s abusive behaviour negatively impacts the family’s ecology and functioning
1. Direct Physical, Sexual Harm and Coercive Control
Domestic abuse is child abuse and poses a direct risk of physical and sexual harm for children. 60% of children experience direct physical or sexual harm from living with domestic abuse. Key learning from case reviews and research is that professionals vastly underestimate the risk of physical harm, including homicide for children living within households where there is domestic abuse. This risk may increase rather than diminish when the non-abusive parent separates from the abusive parent. Demonstrating the importance of robust risk assessment, safety planning and consideration of protective orders and limiting child contact post separation. As well as exploring a range of safe accommodation options including measures to support the non-abusive parent and children to remain in the family home and alternative accommodation options should they prefer to move.
Impacts and Indicators of Child Sexual Abuse
Parents causing harms coercive control ‘dominates entire homes, creating overarching conditions of entrapment and constraint that effect children as well as mothers (Emma Katz)
Children experience similar tactics of coercive control as the non-abusive parent e.g. isolation, intimidation, threats and unreasonable rules and fear based discipline or punishment for breaking these rules. Parents using domestically abusive behaviour also use children as a tools of coercive control. They may be used as spies, ‘co-abusers’, pawns including using post-separation contact to extend the abuse after separation. Parents causing harm also intentionally abuse children as a ‘staged performance’ (Evan Stark) targeted at the non-abusive parent with a goal of dominating and controlling them.
Impacts of Coercive Control on Children:
● Isolation from family, friends
● Reduced opportunities for children to develop skills in building friendships and healthy relationships
● Limits children’s opportunities to create resilience building relationships with non-abusive people outside of immediate family
● Control of time, movement and activities – missing out on days out, family trips, parties, hobbies or clubs
● Sabotaging children’s education
● Erosion of children’s confidence and sense of agency
● Limited opportunities to choose, feel free and to develop a sense of independence and confidence
● Damage to children’s health from deliberate neglect e.g. deprivation of food, preventing access to healthcare.
2. Seeing, Hearing, Witnessing Abuse of Parent, Siblings, Family Members and Pets
Children also experience harm from seeing, hearing and witnessing the abuse of the non-abusive parent, siblings, wider family members and pets. This has short and long term psychological and developmental effects on children. Domestic abuse impacts children from within the womb and right across their ages and stages of development.
Children are actively engaged in coping with the coercive control of their moms, even when they appear to be ‘doing fine’. This is exhausting work for a child or teen. The weight of coping with coercive control interferes with children’s learning and play (Evan Stark 2023).
Psychological Impacts:
● Struggling to manage emotions, changes in mood
● Issues sleeping
● Eating disorders
● Emotional and social withdrawal
● Difficulty interacting with others and developing relationships
● Worry, anxiety and fear
● Low mood and depression
● Aggression and behaviour that challenges
● Suicidal thoughts or feelings
● Self-harming
● Using alcohol or substances to cope
Developmental Impacts:
● Issues with development in the womb and early development
● Executive functioning skills – reduced impulse control, weakened working memory and attention skills
● Brain architecture – increase risk of stress-related disorders including mental health problems, diabetes and cardiovascular disease
● Overactive stress responses
● Difficulties with school, education and learning
Childhood Trauma and the Brain | UK Trauma Council
How Domestic Abuse Affects Children | NSPCC Learning Podcast
Children Who Experience Domestic Abuse Are Also at Higher Risk of Other Intersecting Harms Within Childhood:
● Child sexual abuse including being groomed into child sexual exploitation
● Being groomed and abused into child criminal exploitation including ‘county lines’, the supply of drugs and organised crime
● Being groomed into extremism
● So called ‘Honour’ Based Abuse
● Forced Marriage and other Harmful Cultural Practices
3. Impact of Domestic Abuse On The Non-Abusive Parent Child Relationship
Parents causing harm intentionally terrorise their partners in front of children to deliberately fracture the non-abusive parent-child relationship. This behaviour impacts the parent child relationship in the following ways:
● Provides attitudinal / behavioural model that outweighs social modelling
● Alters children’s loyalties and perceptions
● Teaches negative / disrespectful view of mother
● Preventing mother attending to ill, upset or frightened children
● Post assault withdrawal
● Traumatic bonding
4. Impact of Domestic Abuse On The Non-Abusive Parent’s Ability To Parent
The parent using coercive control’s behaviour limits the non-abusive parents ability to parent:
● Erosion of self-confidence as individual and parent
● Undermined as an individual and as a parent
● Emotionally/physically drained, with little to give to the children
● Their time and energy goes to addressing the person causing harm rather than the children
● Prevented from supporting the children
● Prevented from dealing with children’s behaviour
● Prevented from providing appropriate boundaries, structure and security for the children
● Using alcohol or substances to cope with the impacts of abuse or forced use as a tool of coercive control – leading to neglect of the children
● Forced or coerced to physically abuse children as ‘discipline’
● The abuse causes the survivor parent problems with their mental health or they use alcohol or substances to cope with their experiences of abuse which impacts on their ability to parent.
5. Impact of Domestic Abuse On The Family Ecology
The parent causing harm also disrupts the family ecology, the functioning and stability of the family unit:
Loss of income – they may lose their job due to being arrested for domestic abuse, the survivor may lose their job due to stalking or the impact of domestic abuse on their work performance, or be coerced into giving up work.
Housing instability – their behaviour may lead to eviction for the family losing due to property damage, or neighbours being disturbed by hearing domestic abuse. The family may move to avoid the detection of domestic abuse and child abuse from the authorities. The children and survivor may be living in refuge, or temporary accommodation due to leaving the abuse.
Isolation from family and friends – the children may be prevented from going to birthday parties or may not invite friends round to their house for fear of them finding out about the abuse. The survivor an children may be deliberately isolated from other protective family members or family friends.
Educational and Social Disruptions – The person causing harm may prevent the survivor and children from attending community resources or clubs and activities. The children may need to move schools or have periods of time outside of school due to moving because of abuse. Or the children’s emotional wellbeing means that they are not able to fully engage at school.
Multiple Pathways from Domestic Violence Perpetrator’s Behavior to Harm to Children – Safe & Together Institute